You all could've probably guessed this but I am a lightweight. In preparation for my 21st birthday and since I am leaving Spokane before said birthday, I had my first try at the alcohol. Beer that is. Let me tell you, this stuff tastes like crap. And after a total of about maybe 1 and half beers, I am quite lightheaded and buzzed. I mistyped my password for AIM and Blogger a few times, and I think I am just going to put the laptop that I am using on the table in front of me instead of taking it back to where I got it and risk the chance of dropping it. Anyway, Tuesday, on my birthday, when I get back, I am still going to BJ's. Bill is gonna get me the beer sampler. Ya'll are invited. I'll update with the exact time and place later. I think now I might join my brother in the Pilsner. Or I might just fall asleep right now.

So, long time with no real actual legit and stuff post. (Poast, if you will, as all the nubs seem to be calling it lately.) So, what's been goin' on?

Monday

I worked. Had an actual crazy person at work. They were convinced that the date was February 1st, that I was dislexic, one of the security guys was talking to the Gestapo with his beeper (and he had no beeper), and various other nonsence. I managed to keep a straight face most of the time except when she said to the security guy, "I haven't done anything to your prostate yet." Hilarious! She also stole stuff. Anyway. Later that night I had what is so far the closest I've ever gotten to an actual date, but alas, it was not. I went to In 'n' Out with Anna. Had a good time just talking, which I imagine an actual date with me would be like seeing as how I'm not into that whole sex outside of marraige thing, so I don't feel the need to be all up ons. According to Marie, Tim felt up her leg on their first date, a bad move on Tim's part. Anyway, I had her actually crying with laughter by the end which I must say is quite a good feeling. Nothing like a good ego massage.

Tuesday

Tuesday started right as Monday ended seeing as how I had no sleep between the two. Bobby and I head over to the Pantry for some 4 am breakfast with Geetha and various Techers. I got a free extra pancake and actually convinced them to give me water this time. At the end of the meal there were two bottles of ketchup and yet three caps. I made some stupid comment about someone busting it, the cap that is. Somehow this managed to crack everyone up, but none more than me. Then headed to the LAX for my 7 am flight to Spokane. Actually to Pheonix and then Spokane. The flight(s) was(were) not enjoyable. In Spokane that day I ate nachos twice. The Taco Bell up here carries "Mexi Nuggets", hashbrowny nugget things with "Mexican" seasoning. I have not yet partaken. I also bought some thermal pants. They only had one pair of "Smalls". I bought them.

Wednesday

Went to Shari's for breakfast. It is kinda like Denny's. You are not allowed to play cards there and each person eating is supposed to have at least a five dollar check. At lunch I had fried Oreos. These things are so amazing. Take an Oreo, batter it, deep fry it, serve it with whipped cream and chocolate sauce for dipping. I made the mistake of eating two. My brother and I then fell asleep for like three hours. Had pizza for dinner. Oh yeah, and my brother and Jeni got engaged that morning. Yup. I guess I have to think up some hilarious best man material now. I wonder if there is a way to work in some fake vomit and a field goal kicking mule. Anyway, once the whole proposal thing took place I realized that I would get very little attention that day. Luckily I had the fried Oreos to take care of me. That restauraunt also has fried Twix which are supposed to be even better.

Thursday

Today is Thursday. Nothing has happened yet. Who knows what incredible culinary delites I will partake in today.

Aiight. Jeni is out of the shower and I think something is going to happened now. Au revoir.

Holy Crap!!!

My brother has a blog.

Don't expect it to ever be updated.

"You broke Michelle's Brain!" - Bobby Woo

See Michelle's blog, date 1-26-2004 and then look at my post for 1-12-2004. I rock!

At Sears we have these things called Missing Merchandise Reports, or MMR’s if you will. They’re our way of informing the bigwig Sears fat cats what has been stolen. Evidence of such activity would be an empty package, for instance, but in most cases they are sales tickets from pieces of clothing. I’m not sure this is really an accurate way to determine what has been stolen. My conjecture is that kids just like to pull things apart and thus the tags we find most of the time are victims of this tendency. Anyway, we use to just collect the tickets in one of the drawers at the cashwrap and when there were quite a lot of them or one of us cashiers was just bored, we would do an MMR.

The other day I found at the cashwrap a paper saying that we were now to do MMR’s whenever evidence of missing merchandise was found. At the bottom was the picture of an MMR sheet, just so we knew what we were supposed to fill out. Fair enough. When I came to work the next day this paper had been taken down.

So I’m cleaning out the drawers tonight when we closed and I find like 5 MMR’s. I then notice that one of them isn’t actually written up on the correct form. One of the other cashiers had filled out the picture of an MMR form on the bottom of the paper saying that we are supposed to fill out MMR’s, not an actual MMR. Hold on… I just realized that this was just moderately funny to me, and probably really boring to anyone else reading this. Oh well. I’ve already written quite a bit and I don’t want it to be for naught. I’m posting it. And the jokes on you, because when you finally realize that there is nothing at all interesting about this post you’ll already be finished reading it. Ya’ll got rocked!

Man, those of you out there who don't know Zeke...

I envy you.

I went to Spectrum to work out today. In the course of the evening I used this machine.

For those of you unfamiliar with above machine, it is the Hamtractor. Yes... you read that right.

Hamtractor.

That is all.

Ira Glass was in the documentary that I watched the other day. He is a guy on the NPR (National Public Radio). He has a very distinctive voice and hosts a show called This American Life. It’s a good show. An hour of about 4 true stories that all have one common theme told by the kind of articulate people found on KCRW and NPR. I haven’t heard this show in quite a while. One of my fondest feelings over the last few years was sitting around on a Saturday evening reading the early edition of the Sunday LA Times while listening to said show. My dad would always have KCRW on. He would usually be doing something in the kitchen or reading or doing the crossword puzzle. I miss that. The house I am in is not that kind of house. No KCRW. Not much “hangin’ out” amongst those who live here. And the “man” of the house does not resemble my dad in the slightest. I need someone to talk to about these sort of things. In fact Anna, who has lost her mother, wanted to get together at some point. I couldn’t really tell if she wanted it to be just friends with a painful commonality helping each other out or if she wanted a date. It was very hard to tell. Anyway, she asked me like three weeks ago and nothing has yet to happen. I’m starting to think that nothing will. Girls are confusing. Anyway, seeing my brother should help things out. And if not, he’s gettin’ it right in the stomach.

So I've been drinking alot of this lately.

Turns out those isoflavones which are supposed to be all healthy for you are actually phytoestrogens, a type of estrogen. They have been shown to have anti-estrogen qualities in premenopausal women and, strangely enough, estrogen boosting qualities in postmenopausal women. I have not found anything that says what they do to men. So, it may be that our initial and natural presumptions were correct. Substituting soy for meat actually makes you less of a man. Science... It's fantastic!!!

The lampiness of this blog increases ever more with the ability to leave comments. And in case you were wondering, Bobby Snakes has no link to me on his blog because he stole all the code for his links from my blog. I think this is the first and last time that anyone will ever steal code from me. I am so incredibly bored. Hopefully Washington will fix that, and then maybe after I return the ability to buy booze will help things out. We need something funny to finish off this blog. I'll give my best shot.

Jews born when Nirvana's Nevermind came out will have their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs this year.

I watched Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns yesterday. That would be the They Might Be Giants documentary. It's wierd how much of a resemblance there is between John Flansburgh(left) and our friend Robert Patrick Flack.


Anyway, here are some lyrics for ya'll.

Meet James Ensor

Meet James Ensor
Belgium's famous painter
Dig him up and shake his hand
Appreciate the man

Before there were junk stores
Before there was junk
He lived with his mother and the torments of Christ
The world was transformed
A crowd gathered round
Pressed against his window so they could be the first

To meet James Ensor
Belgium's famous painter
Raise a glass and sit and stare
Understand the man

He lost all his friends
He didn't need his friends
He lived with his mother and repeated himself
The world has forgotten
The world moved along
The crowd at his window went back to their homes

Meet James Ensor
Meet James Ensor
Belgium's famous painter
Dig him up and shake his hand
Appreciate the man

Till My Head Falls Off

There were 87 Advil in the bottle now there's 30 left
I ate 47 so what happened to the other 10?
Why do you suspiciously change the subject and break my concentration
As I dump the bottle out and I count the Advil up again?

Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself

And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off

Hitting every pocket on my shirt, pants and overcoat
And I'm hitting them again but I don't know where I put my notes
Clearing my throat, and gripping the lectern I smile and face my audience
Clearing his throat and smiling with his hands on the bathroom sink

And when I lean my head against the frosted shower stall
I see stuff through the glass that I don't recognize at all

And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off
Though it may not be a long way off

I'm not done talking yet
I'm not done talking yet

And when I lean my head against the frosted shower stall
I see a broken figure silhouetted on the wall

And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off
Though it may not be a long way off
I won't be done until my head falls off

I Palindrome I

Someday mother will die and I'll get the money
Mom leans down and says, "My sentiments exactly,
You son of a b***h"
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
And I am a snake head eating (snake head)
The head on the opposite side (snake head)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)

See that bulletproof dress hanging from the clothesline
See the medical chart with the random zig-zag
Now I'll help it decide
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
And I am a snake head eating (snake head)
The head on the opposite side (snake head)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)

"Son I am able," she said "though you scare me."
"Watch," said I
"Beloved," I said "watch me scare you though." said she,
"Able am I, Son."

See the spring of the grandfather clock unwinding
(Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age)
See the hands of my offspring making windmills
(Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age)
Dad palindrome Dad
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
I palindrome I (I palindrome I)
And I am a snake head eating (snake head)
The head on the opposite side (snake head)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)
I palindrome I (manonam)

And that was me who censored that. I don't like that word, but that phrase is especially bad. The idea that to insult a person we must also insult their mother.... Anyway, still a great song.

Alright. So SDL used to do stupid stuff in our shows, mainly in the middle of the song Benzoate, because...

A. We are born showmen.
B. It allowed us the chance for biting social satire.
C. We weren't good enough musicians to write songs that would hold your attention without resorting to cheap gimmicks.

Thus the apple eating contest.



I know. Bobby already posted this, but it was in black and white. It could not be made out that the apples in said apple eating contest were red, which makes thing so much more difficult. Actually, they didn't taste too bad. The problem is that when you manage to get about 8 apples into your mouth in about 40 seconds it is hard to hold back your gag reflex. Quite a few times it felt like I was going to pass out. I keep thinking of those dead birds in Cane Toads found with toads halfway down their throats.

So I don't have a girlfriend. I know, all of you out there are like "Tell me something I don't know." If I did I think I might have to stop making out with Smaug.

Maybe I should anyway. She was sick and threw up like three times tonight. I should at least find someone to give me health insurance if I keep doin' it. Or I should get a girlfriend to talk some sence into me.

I am HM
(Reader Discretion is Advised)

So I was in the Express Men the other day. Winter Clearance. Lots of cheap pants. So I find a pair of somewhat nice looking black pants. I go to try them on. They fit fine in the hips, legs, and butt but somehow manage to be tight across the front. I then look in the mirror and my suspicions are confirmed. Not only were they tight in the front, but they were tight enough that I could actually make out the shape of my penis. And not just a lump mind you, but I could make out the shape of the head and the line of demarcation between it and the shaft. I did not buy said pants, but I did buy two other pairs of pants and another shirt at Abercrombie. I know, lampy. Anyway, I think I have just shot myself in the foot in this HM war we’ve got goin’ on.

Lampy.

So today Tim, David, Peter, and I were in the Denny's eating our last meal before Tim abandons us again. Peter ordered just a cup of hot tea. Peter, being the easily amused simpleton that he is, goes off on this whole tirade of how it would be cool if he could say or get the waitress to say “This is not my cup of tea.” For example:

Waitress: Here’s your tea!!!
Peter: What? This tea? No… no. This isn’t mine.

Anyway. So Peter’s tea arrives and alas it is not hot tea but tea of the iced variety. Tim David, and I then just stare at Peter and wait for the magic. He kinda stalls a bit and the three of us start to chuckle. Then he totally drops the ball.

Peter: Oh, I ordered hot tea, not iced tea.

Lampy. So lampy.

For those who don’t know, Lampy is the new word for “lame”. We can thank the poor typing skills of Mr.s Kibbe and/or Woo for this one.

Speaking of lampy, anyone who doesn’t own a guitar like this would be uberlampy.



In other news, Anna had a bunch of change today that she wanted to get converted to bill form. We aren’t supposed to give change from the register at work, so I pull out a five and make the exchange myself. The weird part is that all the change she gave me was wrapped up in two napkins. I didn’t think to ask at the time, but that is pretty weird. And they weren’t even napkins that you could get at Sears. I am thoroughly confused and intrigued. I am also sure that none of you are. Lampy.

Speaking of lampy, Smaug just chewed through the phone cable that connects me to the internet. Thus, I will probably save this post and post it later. A floppy disk would be of use right now. I could copy the post and take it to Katie’s computer and voila. But alas, my computer caught on fire last week and the floppy disk controller died. Lampy dude, lampy. So, whenever I post this keep in mind that everything refers to occurrences on the date of January 18, 2004 and very early January 19, 2004.

"LSAT doesn't isn't grammar test" - Brad Hamburger

Why are all my friends idiots?

Carlos has given me webspace, thus I was allowed to post that picture on my last post. I will now abuse this fabulous gift that THEMAN has given me.

This is the most badass picture of me ever taken.


This is a note found on the wall of the Van Nuys Flyaway about three years ago. I will never find anything more amazing.


This is Bobby and I showing interest in something out of frame. And in case you are confused, the air conditioner is not also named Bobby Woo. Also, I like to call that hairstyle the Welshy.


I have no idea what is going on here. I imagine I might look like this on my upcoming birthday.


Here's THEMAN with some less than manly beard action goin' on.


This is SDL playing the Whiskey a few years ago. From this picture you can see that we don't concentrate well onstage.


"Bold marquees with stupid band names..."


Anyway....

So yesterday Bobby and I were at a meeting for a recording thing at Valley. While we were sitting around doing nothing during the "meeting" we started to talk about our cars and how crappy they are.

Bobby: My car shakes when it goes fast.
Me: My car doesn't go fast.

Much of that was exchanged and I think we came to the conclusion that I had the crappier car.

Now the awesome part.

We came out of the meeting and headed to our cars. I see something under my wipers against the window. I notice that no one else in the parking lot has one. I start to think that maybe I got a ticket or a warning or something because I don't have a parking pass. I was wrong. I was so wrong. What was it? you might ask.












I got so rocked.

Your dominant Hue is Licutus of Borg. Enough already.

Well, I guess I now have to relinquish my title of King Of Blogs. Tim now has one. Even the name is better than anything I've ever written. I suck.

From 7:00 am on January 27th until 9:06 pm on February 2nd no one in Southern California will see me. Alas I will be up in the great white north, Washington state that is. I'm visiting my brother who goes to school at Whitworth, which is in Spokane. And yes, you read that right, I am getting back on the 2nd, the day before my birthday, the day before my 21st birthday. So I think the plan is to go over to Seattle at some point, probably the weekend, and then head up to Canada. Yup, I'm going to wait until like three days before its legal for me to start drinking to start drinking. It's gonna be great, or at least it will leave me with another interesting(stupid) story to regale people with. On a somewhat related note, when my brother left for class the other day the temperature was in the 20's... the negative 20's!!! I guess I get to go shopping for some layers.

Speaking of things being really cold, my computer caught on fire today. I tried to put in some RAM that Carlos had left here. I put it in, turn on the copmuter, and watch the monitor. I wait for like 8 seconds or something and nothing is happening. I then notice a smell. I look down at the computer and see a light inside. Weird, I think, I don't remember there being a light there. I took me another three seconds or so to realize it was fire. So I take out the RAM and everything seems to work fine except that when I boot up it say FDC failure. I think I'll go google that right now.

Oh, and before I forget, an amazing quote from Timmy C.
"What are you talking about? I always wear long sleeve shirts... mostly."

The PHAT jammed yesterday. We played one of our newer songs, Northridge Incident (or the Nimble Vagrant). It recounts the various times I have been attacked in Northridge. For those who don't know...

A.J.'s Amazing Altercations in Northridge

One time while riding home from Sears, while I stilled lived in Northridge, I noticed this car just sitting with it's engine on. Not that unusual except that it was in front of that gated community on Wilbur where no one ever stops. I pass it, on my bike. When I am about half a block away I hear the car peel out. As they come up to me I hear yelling and the a barrage of water balloons is let loose. A few hit me. They came around and did it once more, but they all missed the second time. I was also hit in the head with a rock or something while riding up at the top of Reseda. I had a helmet, so I was fine.

B. Snakes picked me up from my old house and we start heading out to Peter's in Tujunga. While getting on the 118 Bobby cut off two guys on Harleys, or at least they got that impression. They started chasing us on the freeway. One guy came up right next to Bobby's door so he kept pushing his car up to about 100 mph. Then, while still going 100 mph, the guy decides to punch the car. What the crap?! I have no idea what he was trying to accomplish with this. Anyway, Bobby darts off at Balboa and all was fine.

I think it was 11th grade, I was walking home from Granada Hills High School, Granasty if you will, when I decided to get some food. I stopped at the King of Burgers for some cheap eats. I continued my walk on Lindley behind the shopping center. When I got up to where the UA Theatre used to be I saw this obviously homeless guy start walking towards me. He had a strange gait and appeared as if he wasn't all there. he was holding a big radio too. As he got closer it seemed like he was going to say something to me. He got faster and faster as he came towards me so for some reason I hold out the bag full of burgers and say, in what must have been a pretty pathetic voice, "Hey, you want some food?" He then pulled his arm back as far it could go and with all his momentum gave me a knuckle punch right in the stomach. Immediately I turn around and start running while turning my head to see him coming after me. This is so bizarre I think to myself. Why did he punch me, and in such a weak way. So after about half a block I saw that his gait kinda precluded him from actually running, so I just slowed down to a walk. I called the cops later. They didn't seem to care. And I got to eat all my burgers.

A.J.'s Guide to Festive Holiday Philanthropy
(highlights from the previous Season)

I got Tim and my brother beer (isn't that some Disney movie that is out now?). Beers of the World from Cost Plus to be specific. Since I am still the 20 I had Carlos and Glenn go pick it up. They bought the beer and then proceeded to walk through the entire mall with it. People stared. I wish I could have seen. My brother returned the favour with a fantastic calendar called Ferret Frenzy. It contains pictures of ferrets in human situations such as buying a house and snowboarding.

Bobby Snakes got me two amazing presents. A Boston, the band, t-shirt and T2:The Arcade Game for Sega Genesis. I have yet to play the game but am currently wearing the shirt. I, on the other hand, bought some revenge for Mr. Snakes. Last year he bought me a Styx album. In theory this is a great idea. Turns out he bought me the 20th Century Masters Greatest Hits Collection which is the worst greatest hits cataloging group in the world. They forgot to put the "hits" on the album. So I bought Bobby Koyanisqatsi, a movie with no plot, dialogue, actions, or people. Only pictures of modern society set to the music of Philip Glass for 2 hours.

Katie Snakes received more cheap furniture from me. I'm afraid this might take some of the fun out of Chair Day this year.

In return for a new (old) video card and an OutKast DVD, Brad received a copy of The Millionaire Next Door in paperback. That is possibly the most personalized gift I have ever given.

Kathy Snakes got a wicker basket 'cause God knows we need more wicker in this house.

Anna received jello. I left it above her locker in a bag and shoved a note inside of said locker saying to take the bag. She saw the jello before the note and the thought Who's jello is that? I wonder if anyone would notice if I just took it ran through her head. I get the same way about popcorn, and obvious puns.

Anyway.