I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

My popularity increases more and more with each passing day. Owain and Scody have left comments for me. I have no idea who these people are. I tried to follow links from Owain's page to try to find someone I knew and thus understand how he got here, but I just ran into a bunch of blogs of porn stars. (I'm sure Mike and David will find this information very useful.) Speaking of David...

So David, Geetha, B. Woo, Peter and I went to a party at USC. This would be the first one of these parties that I've gone to with the intention of drinking. They usually have lots of diffenet kinds of alcohol. I want to learn what I like without having to pay for it, so this sounded like a good idea. Unfortunately this party was quite lampy. The only booze was a bottle of Smirnoff Ice that Bobby found and a keg of cheap beer. I found some Newcastles later on, but then some guy came up and was like, "We bought these, you can't have any." Anyway. I got my first party foul, at least according to Peter. I backed into someone while talking to David. We often get very animated when we talk. He tried to convince me that the deadlift works the entire back, upper and lower. I am still skeptical. I think the best part of the party was the bacon. One girl who lived there but was not participating in the party made a BLT before she went to bed. The appartment then had the most amazing smell. I wanted to do grease shot, but no one seemed to agree with me there. Anyway.

So a few weeks ago I went to Woo's house between classes. We hang out for a bit, complain that there is no Yu-Gi-Oh on and decide to leave for class. We take seperate cars. I was following Bobby. On the way over the Brand New song "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" comes on the radio. Bobby and I find Brand New to be quite entertaining. How could they not be? Two lead singers, one of which sounds like Morrisey (Screw Morrisey!!!) and another that just screams. So I'm listening to the song and getting really into it, sreaming along, throwing in some hand gestures, playing some air drums, etc. Then I start to act out the video where someone gets hit by a car. All good stuff. I then look over and see an Explorer with three girls (lets just say they were cute, although I didn't really get a good look) looking at me and laughing. And it turns out that Bobby wasn't even listening to the radio. Anyway, the moral of the story: I am an dork.

(P.S.: Screw Morrisey was a band name I came up with a while ago. My logic is that everyone either loves Morrisey or hates him. Thus, the name incites imediate emotional response, much more than say a band called something stupid, like Five for Fighting.)

(BTW: Asking someone to remove a fairly inocuous post from their blog is super lampy. How can we ask for such and not demand that David remove his entire blog? (No offense David. And I know you will take none. Thus I chose you for the example and not someone who would get offended, like ______ or ___________ or Dr. _______.))

So I decided last night to be productive. I did my taxes, my FAFSA, and my CSS/Profile. I hope I didn't miss the deadline for that for transfers. I figure if I am going to try for LMU next year I might as well give it my all. So yeah, it felt good to do all of that, to be productive. Yup, it felt good. Then I went to sleep. I had a dream that I was moving into a dorm at LMU. My dad was moving me in. It was good. Then I woke up. That sucked. That really sucked. Turns out I often don't feel very good when I wake up. Coming out of a dream and remembering my actual situation is a pain. Sometimes I expect to wake up in my old room, but that doesn't happen. I'm often worried about people when I wake up, which is not a good motivator. I also can't sleep very well. My alarm hasn't woke me up in months. I usually wake up way before when I set it for even if I haved stayed up way too late and really need to sleep. Ha! You thought this was going to be a fun post, didn't you? It might still get there.

Or not. I got distracted by something online and no longer have the desire to type. Sorry.

Alright. Blog war. Just gonna throw in a little of my opinion and not try to get on either the (off/de)fensive. I hold that some lifeforms have more worth than others. As you might suspect, people are at the top of this hierarchy. I believe in animal testing. It is one thing that some animals are good for. Some are good for companionship, some for food, some for safety, some for industry, some for ecological balance, etc. If a pig has a similar heart to ours, thank God for the pig. If we can find a way to save a person by subjecting an animal to pain, go ahead. I believe it more sadistic to ignore the pain of a person than to try to abate that pain by experimenting on an animal. I have felt pain over the loss of a loved pet, and it hurt more than anything I knew at the time. But I have also felt the pain of a lost loved parent, twice, and that pain exponentially exceeds the first. For this reason I can't believe that wanting to place a moratorium on animal testing will ever be ethical. I understand why someone would think that, but I cannot agree with it. (If you're lost see these blogs: Mea, Geetha, Marie, Tim, David)

On to a lighter war.

So there has been alot of discussion as to wether Keira Knightley is hot or not. My personal opinion: Yes, quite so. Quite a few of you though, mainly girls, seem to think not. You're totally allowed that opinion. But why would you want to convince other people of that? Shouldn't you be applauding guys that find "average" girls to be quite "above average"? Would you rather our warped American ideals of beauty become even more narrow? And just because there is something odd about someones appearance (which I don't see at all), does that mean you should harp on it and exclude this person from attractiveness? I hope not. I have buck teeth, one of which is chipped. I have very large ears. My nose is mishaped (the left side is more bulbous than the right giving my nostrils a less than symetric orientation). Am I unattractive? Some may say yes. Others, believe it or not, give a resounding No! (Yes, I've been called hot before, by someone other than me.) I've lost my train of thought. (Possibly distracted by my reflection in the monitor.) Anyway, please, just let us apprieciate what we will.

(Specifically, I like white girls. I like that hair color that is not quite brown and not quite blonde but lies somewhere in between. I like girls that are about the same height as me. I am also more a fan of the "athletic" build rather than the "curvy" build. And English accents can be very good. Some southern ones too. Also, girls seem to become more physically atractive to me when they have an attractive personallity. Not like I forgive ceratin "imperfetions" because I like someone as a person, but I actually seem to not notice them and find them more physically attractive. Keira Knightley meets alot of these descriptions. Her look also kinda reminds me of my friend Kayla who is a great person. One would never confuse the two, though Kayla is also very attractive. Enough of this.)

No more wars left, just a thank-you.

Thank you Zeke!!!

Zeke left this in a comment on my last post. "Truly, your outlook has struck a fine balance between healthy cynicism and intelligent spirituality. You've inspired me, for one." This is the best compliment I have recieved in recent memory. Sometimes I look at my life and get really depressed. Sometimes I look at this depression and think Hey, this isn't so bad. What would be bad is if you didn't feel this way when things are like this. If things are truly depressing, it is healthy to get that way. And this is the only time that I remember that one of my atheit/agnostic friends has found my spirituality intelligent, or a good thing at all without pandering to me about some sort of "opiate for the masses". Anyway, thank you Zeke, even if that isn't your real name. I know you think highly of me. After all, I've seen you drunk many times.

(P.S.: While still kind of on the subject of things British and people that like to get drunk, the next The Streets album is scheduled for a May release. Awesome. One of the tracks was originally recorded with Chris Martin of Coldplay (?!?!?!?), but he has been taken off the track because of Martin's record label. Or should I say lampel? No, no I shouldn't.)

I relate to different people in many different ways. Some people see it as being fake or what have you. I just naturally act different around different people. Also, different people read me in different ways. While hanging out with work people the other night a few of them were talking about how serious I am at work all the time. Then others jumped in and said that I'm never serious. I believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Anyway, to prove my point here is a discusion between me and Tim that I don't think could've happened with anyone else.

SDLoser (7:47:13 PM): Yo!?
GnosticTurpitude (7:47:17 PM): what up
SDLoser (7:47:23 PM): Not much.
SDLoser (7:47:29 PM): My loins are soar.
GnosticTurpitude (7:47:34 PM): my apologies
GnosticTurpitude (7:47:37 PM): too much sex?
SDLoser (7:47:48 PM): Yes.
SDLoser (7:48:06 PM): With objects made by Icarian.
GnosticTurpitude (7:48:17 PM): i see
SDLoser (7:48:19 PM): (gym equipment manufacturer.
SDLoser (7:48:21 PM): )\
SDLoser (7:48:23 PM): hsag
GnosticTurpitude (7:48:27 PM): ANYway
SDLoser (7:48:37 PM): I must return tonight.
SDLoser (7:48:44 PM): Do the same excercise.
SDLoser (7:48:49 PM): THen I will not be sore.
SDLoser (7:48:52 PM): soar.
GnosticTurpitude (7:48:57 PM): like a bunny
SDLoser (7:48:58 PM): sore.
SDLoser (7:49:01 PM): ?
GnosticTurpitude (7:49:10 PM): ?
SDLoser (7:49:20 PM): Bunny?
GnosticTurpitude (7:49:26 PM): Bunny?
SDLoser (7:49:39 PM): GnosticTurpitude (7:48:57 PM): like a bunny
GnosticTurpitude (7:50:05 PM): SDLoser (7:48:36 PM): I must return
tonight.
SDLoser (7:50:21 PM): To the gym.
SDLoser (7:50:25 PM): Bunny?
GnosticTurpitude (7:50:33 PM): lExactly.
SDLoser (7:50:49 PM): Still lost.

I could never have this conversation with Geetha, or the G-ride as she has been called lately. She is so totally wrong on the Keira Knightley thing. Chunk of fat above her mouth?! Anyway. What she forgot to mention is LB, for "likes Beckham". It is the new HM. It also means talented. Anyway, I'm thinking about applying to LMU for next fall. I'm getting tired of Valley and the Valley. I'm getting tired of lots of things. I've had quite a bit of depression lately. Its come and gone ever since my mom died. I think a change is in order, after all, I have no home, I'm really smart, have a trust fund, and I'm approching what should have been my senior year in college. I don't think my time has been totally wasted. I'm glad that my brother and I were down here for my dad. Would've sucked (worse) to be so far away when he had his stroke. He might not have even survived that if I wasn't down here. I was with him when he had the stroke. For some reason I had the night off from work and was just sitting around watching TV with him. Gave us five more months I suppose. Anyway, what should have been a paragraph berating Geetha has turned into a depression fest. Alright. Fun time. So Bobby was outside today with Larry looking at the sky. Apparently Venus is really bright. As they were looking up Larry drops this treasure right in Bobby's ears:

It's so bright it doesn't even look like a star.

LB, dude.

Shopping at Sportmart and Food4Less has brought me to a very startling conclusion. What? Well. A pound of bananas costs the same as a pound of iron. Lamps. If only a pound of Banana Republic cost the same as a pound of iron.

I just hung out with a bunch of people from Sears. I was the only white person. Well, the only full white person. There were two there rockin' the mix action. I am also in a Chicano Studies class this semester. I have learned that when the instructor says "we" he does not include me. Viva la WASP!!!

The other night I had nothing to do. (One might argue that this could be any night. One might be right.) So I decide to watch some TV. As I'm sitting in the living room partaking in the marvel of modern magic that is TiVo'd episodes of 24, Smaug walks into the room carrying a dried piece of her own feces in her mouth. Seriously!!! What would posses an animal to do this? She then starts chewing it and breaking it apart. I scare her off, pick up the contraband, and throw it in the trash. 5 minutes pass, she does it again. Animals are stupid.

You know what would be great? If someone did a "personality quiz" and then posted it on their blog!!! Then everyone else could do the same quiz and post it on their blogs!!! Then there would be absolutely nothing of interest on anyone's blogs!!! That would be so awesome!!! I much prefer looking at a picture of something I don't care about and reading a little blurb that is not interesting to actually hearing what someone has to say!!! How 'bout this for a personality test?

What original thought are you?

In other news...

is freakin' awesome.

3 chicken strips, biscuit, and a side for $2.70 after tax. They also have stuffed jalepenos for a mere quarter a piece. Unfortunately when I tried to order them they were out. How they ran out I do not know. No one is ever in there except for me and Bobby. Anyway, the point of my story is that Tim is convicned that the correct way to spell the name of the bird is chiken. Way to go, bird boy.

Smaug gets called lots of wierd things. So far the wierdest has been Scamjo coined by Bobby. Last night I started calling her something very odd that for some reason she responds to

Sir Clamps-A-Lot

What the crap?

I Got Seared!

Sears has credit cards. They are not good credit cards. The APR is high, they are hard to get, and they go absolutely apecrap over the slightest infraction. My Aunt and Uncle, who are/were realitors never paid any attention to negative comments related to sears cards on the credit reports of potential home buyers. They are nuts. My job is to get people to apply for them. I am awful at this. Most people don't want them, don't need them, and can't get them. When I do get someone applying it is usually because they come in with the intetion of getting a card, or they don't speak English very well and they somehow get a card by the end of the transaction. My managers get on my back all the time about how low my APO(Applications Per Opportunity) is. I usually just kind of grunt my way through the conversations and then go back to my business. Yesterday Andy, the 2nd in command of the store, got on my case about my poor performance. I am so glad he did. I stayed an extra 15 minutes after work watching him try to teach me to "push" the cards more. In essence I should do everything in my power to make sure everyone gets a card, even if they don't really want one. At one point he recomended that I wear my glasses so that I can smoothly take them off when I ask people if they want to apply. I let it known that I didn't think much of the cards and couldn't get behind them. He then went on a ten minute lecture on what he learned in business school and how Japan became one of the strongest nations in the world after WWII. I almost just started laughing in his face quite a few times, but alas I held back. Good times. I think what might make my run ins with Andy a bit easier is the fact that he is shorter than me and is going bald at an early age. He also likes to talk about how much he works out and about how tough all the guys at work are. HM. Anyway, he is a funny guy, in a scary, impish sort of way. Viva coporate America!!!

Well, Smaug lost her ovaries today. Or at least she lost the use of them, from a reproductive standpoint. I'm not exactly sure what happens when they spay a dog. I think it is like getting your tubes tied, thus she could still use her ovaries to make hormones and for holding other internal things in place. When I was a chill'n, prior to my inheiritance of the incredible bounty of knowledge found inside my incredibly large head, I asked the question, "Do dogs lay eggs?" My family never let me forget that one. Even my parents would tease me about it. Stupid family. Stupid mamals (excluding the platypus of course). And now for another egg related thing from my childhood. On Saturday mornings when I was like 3 or something my brother and I would get up early. Was it to eat super sugary cereal? No. Cartoons? No. I would follow my brother out to the kitchen, he would open up the fridge, pull out an egg, and drop it on the floor. This happened many times. I don't know why. What I do know is that when I have kids there will be no rugs in front of the fridge, just egg catching robots, and maybe one of those fans that they have at drive-thrus to keep bugs out. Maybe the fan could point up and the draft would "catch" the eggs. That would be awesome! And.. maybe... there could be... a lamp... or something. (coughs into hand)

I might as well get this out of the way now.

I got drunk on Sunday night. Don't expect it to happen again very soon. Turns out I am an honest drunk. I also have many reasons to get drunk, thus I probably shouldn't. Although it has been kinda hard to find lately I do believe the analgesic effects of care and love are far superior to the quick fix of alcohol, reckless behavior, and emotional repression. I'd rather work through my problems than ignore them, although it can be a much tougher path at times. I think its worth it, don't you?

So Tim IM's me and says not to open any messages with links from him. There is some AIM virus going around that apparently he has. So, he tells me this and then a few minutes of conversation go by when this happens.

GnosticTurpitude (10:53:46 PM): http://www.jayloden.com/Blmi.htm
SDLoser (10:54:14 PM): Um????
GnosticTurpitude (10:54:25 PM): its ok
GnosticTurpitude (10:54:28 PM): go ahead
SDLoser (10:54:57 PM): Prove that you're TIm typing that and not just a
really smart virus.
GnosticTurpitude (10:55:13 PM): I am white and like fried food
SDLoser (10:55:51 PM): Bingo!

I love you Tim!

Smaug (the daug) has learned that doors can appear to be closed without actually being closed. Thus she will push her way into many rooms, especially if someone is in there. What she hasn't learned to do is listen for the sound of the door "clicking" shut. So if you walk into a room and close the door behind you completely, often you will hear the Thud of Smaug in no time at all. I wonder if she will learn.

Actual exchange in KFC today:

Customer: Is that pork?
Employee: No. Everything here is chicken.

I believe the proper desciption of this would be heat lampy.

Had a Sam Adams with my chicken. It might be a little premature for me to come to this conclusion, but I don't think that it really is always a good decision.

Conversation had on my phone last night at the Arco in front of Spectrum.

Anna: You're going out with us tomorrow night.
Me: Well, I suppose so.
Anna: No. There is no supposition about it.
Me: Supposition? Is that a word?
Anna: I'm not sure, but I'm stickin' with it.

Marie assures me that this is a real word and that is an acceptable way to use it. Awesome.

Last night I wen to David's. Bobby and I took separate cars. He parked at CalTech because you can only park on the street for two hours. He then tried to get into my car so I could drive us over to David's. We couldn't get the passanger door opened, so he came in through the window. When we got to David's I turned the car off and tried to get out. Neg. We were stuck in my car. I had to turn the car back on, roll down the window, and unlock it from the outside. Then I had to walk around and unlock Bobby's door because he was being all lampy and saying, "I have to use the bathroom!" Lamps Plus, dude.

Can't muster strength to type hilarity. Thus, picutes of me in tuxes.




Anyway....

So, I have yet to get drunk yet... yet. Don't really expect it to happen any time soon. I find drunk people boring and/or annoying. As you all know, I don't need to get drunk to be boring and annoying.

So the Blazer got valeted last night. What the crap?!?!?

Birthday festivities will be tonight at 9 p.m. at the BJ's in Burbank. (funny sentence). (funny sentence that some how plays off the last sentence but negates it). (self depricating remark). Anyway....

Crap I make when I get bored.

Possum

Seriously, I do plan on making art one day.

Nick Burns

Hey Nick Burns!!! Who the heck are you? Please leave an elaborate message detailing who you are. If you don't I'll make sure your kneecaps meet my friend below.

For all you girl types, or sympathizers of such, who want to know some specifics about my brothers proposal and the engagement and stuff go to WeddingChannel.com and search for the wedding website of Matthew Price and Jenevieve Borin. I have heard the proposal story about 50 times in the last 4 days and am not all that anxious to start relaying it myself. I'm going to be the best man and Kayla, who some of you might know and one of you might be, is going to be the maid of honor. One of my duties is that I have to dance with Jeni after Matt and her dad take a shot. Thus, I need to learn how to dance in less than seven months. I wanted to learn and do a tango, but I don't think that is going to happen.

Also, Marie is right. Am I talking about all this porn/feminist/intolerance tizzy you all have gotten yourselves into? No. Marie is right about Banana Republic being a fine establishment. I went purchasing there just two days ago and came out with some articles that make me look quite hot. But then again, how could they not? Full lockes of brown hair, stunning green eyes, and a quite less than rotund physique. Man, I am quite the specimen. I am so hot in fact that when I was in eighth grade this guy spied on me in the bathroom at Carl's Jr. and was so impressed by what he saw that he followed me across the street and propositioned me for some quite lewd acts. Needless to say, I did not accept his offers. And that may have had more to do with his own perverseness than my hotness. Well, hope that didn't scar me.

And Sr. Snakes has finally added a link to me from his blog. Somehow I got put in a category with only girls, am called HM, and referred to as Smaug's boyfriend. Now let's get things straight Bobby. I am not a girl, my shopping at the Abercrombie would make me Metrosexual, not HM, and Smaug is a girl dog, thus again making me not HM. Geez... I am so pathetic.