I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

Brad's new blog design has made me nostalgic for the mid 90's. Although in retrospect from tens years from now it will probably look not all that much better than now, from now, it has the tendency now to look better than now. Now, what do I miss about the mid (to late) 90's?

•The Mucho Grande Nachos at Taco Bell
•I was never more than a year away from a new Smashing Pumpkins album, or EP, or box set, or maxi single
•My room was the coolest one in the house during the summer.
•My unsuccessfullness with the womans, or ledis, could be easily explained by the timidness brought on by the fact that I looked like a big nerd, and acted thusly
•Twiggy Twiggy.
•Tremors was on TV at least once a month
•The highly skilled employees of the United Artist Theatres by my house never seemed to notice when I snuck in a drink since I slyly held it on the other side of my body
•Rock bowling
•Controlled pyromania
•Aaron Silverman's ridiculously empty house
•Bill Nye the Science Guy
•Bobby Flack's house
•SDL, and the nonstop party that followed us
•Codeine (after my surgery)
•My high school youth group at church
•Rocking out at least three times a week
•Tim, David, and Me, and Spinal Tap
•The 80's(ugly) yet ridicuously comfortable furniture in my house. I still have the short couch and one chair.
•My dad beat a possum to death, thinking that it was a rat.
•Kraft Mac & Cheese tasted better
•Visiting my grandparents in North Carolina and listening to Garrison Keilor whenever we were in the car.
•Mike McCann's car
•Rocking the Stanford 9's every year. Seriously guys, you know it felt good, if ultimately pointless.
•Band's with dead lead singers (Nirvana, Sublime) actually had made good music. (see Drowning Pool)
•Doom
•Pinkerton by Weezer
•Weezer by Weezer
•Superunknown by Soundgarden, every Pumpkins album (including Adore), Cake, Ben Folds Five, Rancid, Rage Against the Machine, etc.
•and probably much more.

On to the questions.

Glenn: Who is more powerful? Carlos Montes utilizing his PC, Bobby Woo with a Bolex H16, Geetha behind the wheel of a Toyota Camry, or Marie with a knife?
Zeke: I think Glenn means "dangerous."

I don't know why, but Marie with a knife struck me as very odd. Thus, if I was in a situation where I saw such an occurance, I would probably go into shock thus allowing Marie to do what she will. Does this make her powerful, I don't know. Geetha would have the most horsepower out of all of the above examples. Now for danger? The simple answer is Bobby with a Bolex. This means he is shooting on film, which means a PSA for Valley, which means instant, boring death. Stupid PSA's.

David: wtf does the track back link thingie do? i have yet to see it in use...i think. oh and how man y pnacakes does it take to cover a dog? oh and is this the place where you put that thing that one time? hackers of the world unite!!!!!!!

Trackback does some thing that didn't hold my attention long enough to really figure out what is does when I was reading about it on the Haloscan site. I think it like... tracks... back... to things... maybe. It could possibly take just one large pancake to cover the dog, but what do we call this new amalgam, regardless of how many pancakes it takes? You guessed it, Pancake9!!! No, I did not place that thing here. It's right behind you... with a knife... covered with rage... and pancakes!!! Maybe that thing is Marie.

More questions, Now!!!

So LMU requires a recommendation when you apply. Last week I went to my counselor and asked for one from him. He said sure, but I would have to write it and bring it in for him to sign. I enlist the help of Carlos and Marie to write brilliant things about my personality seeing as how I was having a hard time doing it myself. Carlos had this to say:

Persistent, friendly, intelligent, communicative, are but a few words that one could use to describe Andrew. He has an interesting handicap in that he commits himself to a subject until he has mastered it. The ability to apply oneself, as Andrew does, is not inherent to all. However, Andrew does it so naturally that it is clear that it is part of his personality. His personality is strong, which makes him assertive--a natural leader--but not too strong as to alienate anyone. Andrew is one of those rare human beings that strives for knowledge and [put word here].

Yup, "put word here". Thank you Carlos!

In response to the 2 questions ya'll asked:

Andrew(Not me. A different Andrew. Asian, goes to my church, lived in my motor home one summer, ate all the Marie Callenders chicken pot pies in said summer.): Would you still be my friend if I always emitted cheese out of my pores?

I would have to say no. I could no more be your friend than a fox could be a companion to a rabbit. If this does indeed start to happen one day, keep it a secret, for if you don't, I will be all upons.

Zeke: Who is more uppity: Bobby Woo or Cheops?

Simple answer is that since Cheops (Peter's old dog) is no more, by default, Bobby would be more uppity. But then again, if we conduct our study during normal work hours, we will find that Bobby is always asleep and in much the same mood as the expired canine. But then again, this whole question of who is more uppity will make Bobby himself more uppity. I think Bobby wins this one. And just to make him even more uppity: sour cream, fat people, manual labor, fried chicken. I bet he's fuming now.

Keep sending the questions, because as you can see, the answers aren't all that good.

Blogggggggggggggggggged!

Thanks to ya'll that left comments. Been a weird couple of weeks, and still is kinda weird.

Turns out I won't get to wear a tux in the wedding after all. I'm kinda disappointed. This may mean that I might not be fully "decked out" until my own wedding, which with my luck in the arena of women, won't be for a while. Lamps. On that note, I think one of my good friends at work has developed a "thing" for me. Unfortunately for her, if my assumptions are correct, there is still another on my mind. Anna, you still have the power to make me feel incredible. Even the comment you left the other day brought tears of joy to my face. I can't see myself getting involved with someone when she still makes me feel this way, whether it is reciprocated or not. I guess these are the kinds of feelings ya'll learned to deal with when you were like 14 or something. Anyway...

Everyone needs to ask Zeke about his amazing EMT hijinks, specifically the driving. For me, Zeke is a comedic keg that is tapped not nearly enough.

So, due to my brain succumbing to the pressures of overwhelming emotion as of late, I can't really remember things to blog about. Thus, as Jose did, please ask me questions that I may answer them for you. Questions about me. Questions about things you might think I am an authority on. Questions that are only asked to prove how funny a question you could come up with. Let 'em all out, or I'll have to start posting pictures or various things that Smaug has vomited. You've been warned, now get cracking!

So, yes, I have been depressed as of late. This Friday will be the one year mark. My brother, Tim, and I had some In'n'Out that night. Zeke and Flack, a weird combination to say the least, showed up. Zeke brought a can of Arizona with him. Neither of them really had anything to say, but that was probably a good thing.

I ditched work yesterday. I hadn't missed any work or even been late once this year, so I decided to take a day off. Did I do anything with this time? No. I said that I was "sick" when I called in. I don't think I sounded like it, but I never stated as to whether the problem was physiological or psychological. I think either is a valid excuse. Tim tried calling me. I ignored it Tim. I'll talk to you later. I was trying to ignore everyone, so don't take it personally.

Last night's episode of 24 was one of the saddest things I've seen in a while.

Right now, going in my mouth to provide me sustenance:
Can of peas and carrots
Apple juice
Green tea
Water
Blender
As you can see, I'm not a big proponent of a refined palette.

I've been procrastinating on a lot of things. Maybe I'm not lazy, but instead am anticipating a surge in productivity in the near future and don't want to deprive myself. I'm full of crap. That is true in so many ways.

Please leave an encouraging comment. Thank you.

I forgot to take my phone to work on Saturday. I use my phone to receive calls sometimes, but mostly it is used as a timepiece, and for proper pants pocket balance. So, I had two problems. I couldn't tell what time it was, and my pants were leaning slightly to the right, like most of my family's political inclinations. I couldn't really fix the pants situation without Asset Protection thinking that I was larsonizing the store. But I could fix the time problem. How? I guess I could've just asked people with watches what the time was. I didn't. I could've called that phone number that tells you the time, but I don't know what the number is. I could've asked any other cashier what that number is, but I didn't. I have to give the illusion that I am totally on top of things (read: the ball) at all times. What did I do? I called my own phone, left messages in the ilk of, "I am such a freakin' genius!", hung up, called the phone again, checked my messages, and heard the timestamp. Let me tell ya'll, being such a genius is pretty cool.

(Total awesomeness: Blogger spell check wanted to replace "freakin'" with "foreskin". How amazing is that? I guess this is some sort of reverse briss.)

I worked on Monday. Not much happened. They are remodeling the store so most of the stuff that used to surround me that I sold has moved elsewhere. Thus, I don't do much. But I still do get the occasional customer, such as the seventy-ish year-old Arab guy in this convo:

SYOAG: You have very nice haircut. It is like movie star hair.
Me: Too bad I don't get paid like a movie star.
SYOAG: You should become a model. They make lots of money.

I guess I am so hot that it traverses the chasms of age, race, and sexual preference (I'm assuming he was straight). Unfortunately it does not know how to find it's way to the illusive girl I am interested in.

Brad and Sarah have a cat that is currently walking around my feet. I am not sure of the gender. Anyway, his/her name is Shadow. Strangely enough he/she is not a black cat. My mind is having a hard time accepting this fact. Thus, I call her/him DJ Shadow. I am not familiar with the work of said DJ. If I was, I would probably notice that it bares little resemblance to the habits of this cat.

IMFRTCPMYL, we have finally deteremined what political party I belong to. I am a Banana Republican. Take that, Natural Law Party!

So, ya'll may have noticed that all the pictures and stuff have dissappeared. Well, the server that they were all on died. Turns out that the guy who ran the server, whom I have never met, lkes to smoke the crack. He also likes to drike the Coke, of the Coca Cola variety. So, he was smokin' his crack, and drinking his Coke, and spilled said coke onto the server. Thus, there aren't any of my fantastic pictures up. Hopefully I will be able to find some more server space soon to remedy the sit-chi-ay-shun.

I have invented a new mixed drink. I call it...

The Weaksauce!!!

4 onces of 5 dollar Chilean red wine
2 cubes of ice
4-20 onces of apple juice. Make sure you add enough so you can't taste the wine.

I am sophisticate incarnate.

Well, its time to come clean. I have finally been caught. It happened yesterday, outside the bookstore. Bobby caught me and called me on it. I just kinda mumbled out an fake answer. Well, now the truth.

On occasion... I will sometimes... talk... to... myself.

Often I am just thinking about things and the occasional sentence pops out and I silently mouth it. I mean, you people have to have noticed that I am a pretty smart, funny, interesting guy. It would be quite a waste of resources if I never talked to such a person. Anyway, if this disturbs you there is a possible solution:

I am less likely to talk to myself if I am talking to someone else.

Use this knowledge wisely my friend.