I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

I forgot to take my phone to work on Saturday. I use my phone to receive calls sometimes, but mostly it is used as a timepiece, and for proper pants pocket balance. So, I had two problems. I couldn't tell what time it was, and my pants were leaning slightly to the right, like most of my family's political inclinations. I couldn't really fix the pants situation without Asset Protection thinking that I was larsonizing the store. But I could fix the time problem. How? I guess I could've just asked people with watches what the time was. I didn't. I could've called that phone number that tells you the time, but I don't know what the number is. I could've asked any other cashier what that number is, but I didn't. I have to give the illusion that I am totally on top of things (read: the ball) at all times. What did I do? I called my own phone, left messages in the ilk of, "I am such a freakin' genius!", hung up, called the phone again, checked my messages, and heard the timestamp. Let me tell ya'll, being such a genius is pretty cool.

(Total awesomeness: Blogger spell check wanted to replace "freakin'" with "foreskin". How amazing is that? I guess this is some sort of reverse briss.)