I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

Abercrombie & Fitch Backlash

I, being the loser that I am and never getting a Friday night off, worked until fifteen minutes after midnight last Friday. At the same time a large chunk of people I know, often referred to as the nubs, went to see the LOTR:ROTK. I went to meet them afterwards since the B. Snakes promised the Denny-age was to follow. When everyone finally gets out of the theatre I went over to meet them. A few excited, “Hey Andrews!� were heard. Then before any real conversation starts Mr. B. Rad Lee starts yelling, “What are you doing going to the A&F?! They’re racists and pornographers! They stand for everything you hate!� Incredible. Then Tim and Marie walk up and Tim says something to the effect of:

“I thought I saw your car, but I wasn’t quite sure. Marie and I looked inside and she said, “There is an Abercrombie bag inside. It must be Andrew’s car.� That doesn’t make any sense.�

Anyway, 20 years of economic and aesthetic piety down the drain.

A.J.’s Adventures in Political Correctness

• A few weeks ago I was at Sears when this guy came up and asked where the fryers were. Strangely as it may sound to anyone who has seen me at work, I actually know where the fryers are. So I point him in the right direction and he heads on over. A few minutes later he returns and says he can’t find them, so I give him more elaborate directions on where to find them. He heads off, and then returns. Did I happen to mention that he was Asian? He was. On his final return I discovered that low and behold he was not looking for “fryers� but instead “flyers�. After I handed him an ad and he walked away I proceeded to bust up.

• I was in my recording class a few weeks back when Julian, the instructor, instructed that someone put up a mic for a vocal overdub. Richard and Gabe, two other students in the class, take on the task. (Gabe has a fanny pack on at all times. Not pertinent to the story, but pertinent to understanding the essence of Gabe.) I head off to the bathroom to take care of some business. When I return I see Gabe doing something really stupid in front of the mic. I can’t remember what it was, but it was enough that I almost said, “Dude, you are such a retard.� I would have said that if my ears did not pick up the unmistakable sound of an actual retarded person talking about four feet away from me! I then walk past said person into another room and proceed to bust up.

Enough of that.

The other day Marie said that my face looks half punk and half minister and that dying my hair would upset this delicate balance in the direction of the miscreant. Sometimes I think girls are just makin’ this stuff up so that we think they have a better awareness of what is really going on. It’s like squant, the supposed fourth primary color that only some women can see. Anyway, I think it’s just due to my German blood. Speaking of punk ministers, Bill, who is in seminary right now, snuck some beer into Return of the King the other night. One of my friends ended up drinking it out of a bottle concealed by a sock. Bill is the man.

And speaking of German things, feety.com is some German webpage about feet. “Feety� is a word I often try to get away with in Boggle but have yet to succeed. How would you use said word?

Man, that caterpillar sure is feety.

Anyway.

You are water. You're not really organic; you're
neither acidic nor basic, yet you're an acid
and a base at the same time. You're strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often seem worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Kinda right, but not very funny. I'm feelin' let down. I also learned the other day that I look good in expensive clothes. Damn. I'm sure that Mrs. Kobler feels my pain.

So Geetha is now bloggin?’. Hopefully this will give us more excuses to tell her to shut up. Go to Peter’s blog (Dec 14 post) for the greatest (stupidest) list ever. And I still fail to see why one of my brilliant contributions did not make it on the list. Anyway, here it is:

Fishues

In other news, I'm being taken to Abercrombie and Fitch tomorrow. I'm a little scared. Also Matt comes home tomorrow. I just realized tomorrow is today. Anyway, I had a dream last night that Matt came home and instead of me meeting him at In 'n' Out, like we planned, he showed up at Sears. The Sears in my dream was not the one I actually work at and instead had a very "Tomorrow Land" feel. Also, my brother had inexplicably lost a lot of weight and now looked like Frankie, Carlos' 16 year old brother. Matt is 23, and white. Weird.

Warning: My blog is about to get slightly sacrilegiousus.

'Tis the season. That means that in church we say "ass" a lot. Many a song that speaks of the manger and such has some line about the "ox and ass". What I'm wondering is why with the whole Mary and Joseph being betrothed and not yet married thing, why aren't there any songs with "bastard" lines? Please, don't answer that.

I just ran a the Blogger spellcheck and it did not recognize the word "blog". So on the ball.

For any of you that have missed out on prior geniusness, I have fixed my archives. Now you can partake in the greatness that is my views on the word “an”, things that I am afraid of, and the entire official stance of the Presbyterian Church, USA on everyone’s favorite topic, abortion!

Despite my usual aversion to the inanity that is online personality quizzes, I am actually tempted to do this Biological Molecule one. So far it called Brad the PHAT, said Mike should never be put in enough power to burn people at the stake, and that David is, “incomparably full of information, and most of it is useless.” All sound pretty on the ball to me.

Blue Cross won’t give me health insurance due to the fact that I have a cyst on my brain stem. The thing was discovered like five years ago and the doctors were like, “Yeah, it is in most likelihood a congenital thing. Just an extra tooth or hair or something. Happens all the time. Looks encapsulated, so you shouldn’t have any problems at all.” I’ve believed this for five years, and probably still should. But when you get a letter back from an insurance company saying that they can only cover you under a “Major Risk” policy it makes you feel a bit uneasy. Jeni has also been having brain problems from her bike accident last January, mainly memory loss. She has also been sick a lot lately and they are not sure what is wrong. I pray they find out soon. I’m sure Matt is being a big support to her. I think we might be more nurturing and understanding of such things than most people after what happened with our parents. Strange how pain often makes you into a better person. Besides, if Matt and Jeni were to no longer be Matt and Jeni, then he would pretty much be stuck with just me. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

I think the Subway by Valley College is cursed. This would be the same one I talked about a few posts ago where I slammed my head on the case. Anyway, I was in there a few weeks ago and I am eating a sandwich when all of the sudden I bite my lip hard enough to bleed! I can’t remember the last time I did that. Pretty weird. Then a few days after that I was there again. I had finished eating and started to leave. On this day I happened to have a soda, which is a rarity in the last few months, because I had fulfilled my consumerly duty to my Sub Club card and thus got a free six inch with purchase of said beverage. So I pick up all my trash and my drink and start heading for the waste receptacle. All of a sudden I somehow manage to drop everything in my hands. All of it, straight to the floor! Amazingly though the drink manages to land straight up and nothing spills at all. I then turn to the two middle age guys sitting at a table right next to where this went down and utter the words, “Well… that’s certainly interesting.” They didn’t seem to be as amused as I was, but people rarely are. Anyway, I haven’t been back since. I’m afraid I might lose a limb, or I’ll be talked into joining the American Independent Party. Scary, eh?

So Thanksgiving has come and gone, and you may be asking, “What do we have to be thankful for? Seriously.” The answer is quite simple.

HM

What is HM? Possibly the greatest phrase ever! So Carlos was down here over the T-Gives and was hangin’ out over at the Woo-Lee-Price homestead. I think I said something to Bobby of a domestic manner and he responded in a kind of annoyed, “get off my back” way. Carlos then made a comment to Bobby along the lines of, “Quit being married to Andrew.” For the record, we are not married. Anyway, Bobby took this in a weird sort of homophobic response.

So Carlos was relaying this story to Brad I think, and being the cool guy that he is, Carlos started to make up language as he went along. Instead of describing Bobby as homophobic, he tried shortening it. It would seem that HP would work best in this situation, but Carlos’ tongue did not agree. “Bobby is pretty HM.” Thus it was born.

Here’s the weird part. HM has come to mean someone is being homophobic, or it is used to call something gay, in that sort of middle school way. Thus, in many cases calling an HM is HM in and of itself. I think that is the greatest thing ever! A self fulfilling term. Happy T-Gives everyone!

In other actual important news, Anna and I will not be a couple at anytime in the foreseeable future. We will remain friends, and hopefully very good ones at that. There is too much care and trust there for me to walk away from just because things didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted. So prayers for a great friendship would be greatly appreciated. Actually, any prayer is always a good thing.

Clear the road... I'm 20!!!