I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

Well, another Chair Day has come and gone. It’s amazing how fast time goes.

Glenn is an amazing person. He needs to stop being ashamed of being funny. The last sentence contained the word “being” twice. Apparently it wasn’t effective enough the first time, like a World War, or Short Circuit.

"You know what people are liking at night now? Headlights."

It’s amazing how bad that sound on the Grammy’s was. I didn’t see the whole thing, but of what I saw, Springsteen was the only one who sounded any good. Jimmy Sturr won his 13th award for best Polka album. He’s been nominated 18 years in a row. He has never been invited to play. Maybe next year. Maybe he could play backup for the ‘Vril.

I have consumed way too much salt today. I feel like Woo, but less uppity.

I need my own recliner. Maybe that wish will come true next Chair Day.

“He’s glowin’ ‘cause… ya know… he’s got aaahhh… some… some sort of problem.”

The preceding line is a quote from Elemental, a short film that Woo, Tim, Glenn, and I made weekend prior. It was supposed to be entered into the John Woo Ninja Film Contest, but there was a problem with the encoding and it wasn’t accepted. Nonetheless, we got an amazing film out of it. Pure genius, like Brokaw.

I still have yet to watch Bat Thumb. I feel that something that bad will be funny when viewed with a group of people, but just sad if I watch it alone, like Brokaw.

My Music as a Business teacher was in the Turtles. He said that "Happy Together" makes about a million dollars a year. I’m betting even Brokaw is a bit jealous of that.

“Never put Descartes in front of the horse.” If anyone could think up a joke for that punch line, let me know. I’ve been using it as sort of a rectum/killed ’em thing. I’m sure Brokaw would be happy to add that one to his humor repertoire.

I haven’t seen Peter in almost 2 months. It’ll be worth it if he has grown some sort of inhuman physical abnormality in that time, such as another head, Brokaw’s perhaps.

I need music to play as I am wrapping things up, just as if I was….

A few days ago Brad dedicated a post to Woo's car, the Probe specifically, and the role that Tool played in the life of said car. Brad is on a non-Blogger server, so he can put cool pictures and such on his posts to spice them up. I am not on a non-Blogger server, so I must simply rely on my amazing writing abilities, with a bit of fancy formatting on occasion, to hold your attention. Anyway, here is some more “ode” to Woo’s car(s).

My mind has come to equate Woo’s car with Prog Rock, being very warm, and the likelihood of food coming very soon. This is his Rodeo I’m talking about. Now about the Probe….

One time Woo backed up in the Probe with the door open, and it caught on the parkway in front of Flack’s house. The door was opened to a degree far beyond it engineering. We tied the door closed and drove to the auto body shop. On the way there the door open indicator beep kept on sounding. It was fun to try to keep time with the beep with one hand and keep time with the music, Cake, with the other hand. The car was also overheating that day. A few months later that car died on the same night that Tim’s car died.

Now the Rodeo. One time Woo went to a Tool concert and got a nail in his tire. I’ll say that again. A nail in his tire at a Tool concert. Nail at the Tool concert. Nail… Tool. Anyway, last night Woo also got a flat. This time it was a screw. His car got screwed. Yeah. And we pronounce “Rodeo” like the street in Beverly Hills just to be stupid jerks. Yup. Yar. Oui. Ja. Da.

In conclusion, pictures would make this much more interesting.

“…bah!...” Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

So my Chinese History class was cancelled. Budget cuts. ban!!!111 Instead I shall be taking Greek Philosophy. The class will probably consist of the material that was covered in 3 weeks of my Models of Spiritual Authority class at Cal. Being a Protestant, Community College is the closest I believe I’ll ever get to Purgatory. It is a place where one goes when they have screwed up but still plan on getting to someplace of worth. The difference, as I have come to understand it, is that everyone in Purgatory eventually makes it on up and out, as opposed to about 15% in Community College.

“Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind!”

The band on Letterman was playing “Battle of Who Could Care Less” by the Five last night. Good song, but an odd choice for a largely horn band. Not quite as weird as “Schism” by Tool though, the song they played during the prior commercial break.

I’m not finding this post very interesting. I’ll just leave some random, titular lines.

“I’m gonna go run this Blood Work….”
“I’m tired of all these Star Wars.”
“Hey! Aren’t you The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill, but Came Down a Mountain?”
“Man, this Deep Impact is gonna suck.”

(Notice: Prior titular lines may not actually appear in said films.)

Attempts have been made to make the following post easier to understand and possibly summarize if need be. Enjoy.



I just took out my contacts. Contacts and a classical guitar manicure are not the greatest combination in the world. On the same note, I visited the optometrist again a week ago. Contacts for my full prescription are not really available for me to purchase. Also, my eyesight will probably get worse before it settles down once and for all.

‘Twas my birthday yesterday. Hung with Tim, Katie, bobbywoo, and Mr. Flack, in that order. Chili fries were consumed twice yesterday. Presents included the Zwan album (which I am listening to now and it is quite good) from Tim, Bat Thumb on DVD from Katie, and a ½ lb. Bean and Cheese Burrito from Del Taco from bobbywoo.

I attempted to fix Katie’s chair. Said attempt was an act of futility.

Clone High is a ridiculous show, but quite funny. The song Plant Man also fits that description. Ditto www.homestarruner.com, specifically Strong Bad’s e-mails.

Tim and I spent much time in Barnes and Noble yesterday. I was looking for books about being a teenager, 7 Habits and Chicken Soup what have you, to see if I did it right. It’s not cheating anymore for me to read those now. Tim let me borrow some Dumas. I probably won’t finish until November or so.

Found a couch for the Woo-udio (Woo Studio) and hosed it off. Now we can get even less done when we practice.

Time to poop. Au revoir.
“Everywhere I go I’m a [robot].”

A really weird thing happened in the Price household about an hour ago. My brother left for Washington this morning, yet his fish remain here. It is now up to my dad and I to feed them for the next week and a half.

I decided to feed them tonight. So I go to pick up the fish food and the cap comes off and the open container of flakes falls behind the wall unit. ban!!!!111 The wall unit is somewhat heavy. It is a giant wood contraption with a bunch of crap in/on it including a TV and of course a filled ten gallon fish tank.

So I move the wall unit a foot or two out from the wall and finagle my way through the stacks of records to the wall. Amazement!!! I find the flake container standing on the floor top side up. Then I see next to it a vintage flyer for RoadRunner cable internet service, and it is covered with fish flakes. What’s weird is that there are no more flakes in sight. All of them are either in the container or piled up nicely on the flyer. I pick them both up, construct a crude gutter out of the flyer, and pour the flakes back in. The fish are then fed and all is well again.

On a related note, I have a bit of a fish phobia. I don’t like going down aisles in aquarium stores with tanks on both sides. I also think I could never sleep in Peter's room which contains a tank large enough to fit half a dozen full grown men in it. I like furry things. Fish need to be more furrier.