I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

"The only thing consistent about my opponent's positions is that they've been inconsistent." - George W. Bush

"You forgot about Poland!" - George W. Bush

So, yeah, my brother got married a month ago today!!! I think I might share something about the ceremony and such soon, but for right now...

Happy Monthiversary!!!

Science is Awesome!!! From the Etymotic Research, an earplug manufacturer, website:

The EPA requires manufacturers to print a noise reduction rating (NRR) on all non-custom earplugs. The NRR for ER•20s is 12 dB, but actual clinical measurements of properly inserted ER•20s indicate that these earplugs provide almost equal sound reduction (20 dB) at all frequencies in real ears. The required formula used to determine NRR includes an adjustment for individual variability and for those persons who do not wear ear protection as instructed. Many investigators have found no consistent rank order correlation between the real-world NRRs and labeled NRRs. NRR is computed from laboratory data that are not representative of the values attained in the real world by actual users.

So I just walked into (or outo?, outto?, out-to?) the backyard to see Bobby and Ryan, a guy he is working on a music video with, both on their own respective phones. They were kinda pacing around each other, totally silent. I then pull out my phone and pretend like I am talking to someone, my usual reaction when everyone else around me is on the phone. (You see it's funny 'cause I don't usually interact with people.) But then it turned out to be even better than I thought. "We're on a conference call," Bobby tells me. It's official, Bobby is a film industry skeeze.

• I only get colds on one side of my face at a time. It is usually the right.
• While Rite Aid may seem like an fairly innocuous although ridiculously set up establishment, it is utterly bewildering when one is under the weather.
• No matter what I am sick with, laxatives make it better.
• Bathroom floors are infinitely superior to any other sleeping surface.
• Psuedoephedrine HCl is over the counter morphine.
• I'm about to run to the bathroom to finish off the work the laxative started.

This was a comment I left on Marie's blog a week ago, but I like the story and think that it stands on its own. Enjoy.

On the subject of strange Price animal stories:

One Easter a long time ago we were hosting the family get together at our house. So were settin' up and getting the backyard ready when my mom (long time ago) comes into the house slightly agitated saying that she thinks its starting to rain. My dad looks outside and is confused by this staement. Not a cloud in the sky. "Well, I felt a few drops outside" my mom says. My dad then looks at here back and discovers it was not water dripping on her, but blood. We then inspect the patio and see that there is blood on the porch ceiling thing. Interesting. Then our dog Casey comes wanderin' on up to us, happy as ever, waggin' his tail, and splattering blood all over the place. Big ol' gash in his tail, but he didn't seem ot care. Stupid, lovable, stupid, Casey.

Apparently Tim and I have hidden depths. Yet more timandandrewspeak (I'm trying to make that sound Orwellian, but I don't think it really works.)

SDLoser (10:12:57 PM): I htink I'm really not a Californian.
SDLoser (10:13:10 PM): I don't like the beach much.
GnosticTurpitude (10:13:18 PM): sweet, are you from one of the battleground states then?
GnosticTurpitude (10:13:22 PM): like Ohio?
SDLoser (10:13:27 PM): I get depressed when it hasn't rained in a while.
SDLoser (10:13:41 PM): And now I'm listening to Death Cab for Cutie...
SDLoser (10:13:47 PM): ANd enjoying it!
GnosticTurpitude (10:14:02 PM): I'm listening to Nada Surf
SDLoser (10:14:11 PM): Maybe I should've gone to Johns Hopkins.
GnosticTurpitude (10:14:13 PM): I suppose that makes me Californian
SDLoser (10:14:28 PM): Or stuck in 1997.
GnosticTurpitude (10:14:37 PM): that too
GnosticTurpitude (10:14:48 PM): although, I DID just buy the new Shins album
GnosticTurpitude (10:15:01 PM): I was very proud of my contemporary self
SDLoser (10:15:10 PM): WHat the crap???
SDLoser (10:15:15 PM): !!!
SDLoser (10:15:17 PM): ?!?!?!?!
SDLoser (10:15:26 PM): That's way too hip for you.

Best... Joke... EVER!!!!!

Bobby: Is your refrigerator running?
Me: Nope!

It's funny 'cause I'm Drew. (Man, I should be shot for that one.)



Courtesy of dictionary.com

"refrigerator
n : white goods in which food can be stored at low temperatures [syn: icebox]

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University"



I love the Intarweb.

Get on the Ball David!!!

New ideas for t-shirts

• In simple block letters: PANTS
• Block letters again: Apathy is the new Tolerance
• More block letters: Punk (but on the back it just has a big dollar sign)
• In really fancy, frou frou lookin' letters: Hardcore

This is how I'll make my million, or at least my 387 grand, which I will then invest into some sort of robot technology. Yeah, that'll work.

There are multiple pounds of meat in my fridge that are about to go bad.

From rollingstone.com:

Having never been a fan of jail cells or locked-ward mental
hospitals, we don't imagine we'll be trying out for Spike TV's latest reality
geekfest, which asks contestants to see if they can remain within ten feet of
the Ol' Dirty Bastard for a full five days. Stuck to ODB, which premieres later
this month, boasts a first prize of twenty-five thousand dollars -- an amount
we'd demand doubled if the ten-foot rule requires accompanying the artist
sometimes known as Big Baby Jesus to the john following one of his legendary
burrito sprees . . .

Come see the Softer Side of Sears

Apparently that softness is not the soft grey matter in your skull. In my 3 HOUR SHIFT!!!!! yesterday I got...

1. A woman that wanted me hold the clothes she was going to buy for 2 hours at 8:40 (We close at 9:00),
2. Another woman who made her check out to JC Penny,
3. And yet another woman that came up to me after we had closed and asked if she could speak to Sears security about finding her keys, the keys she left in MACY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!