I Have I(rritable)B(owel)S(yndrome)

There is a third baseman for the Dodgers named Adrian Beltre. Now I finally understand that Blur song.

"I got my head checked,
By Adrian Beltre."

I guess his throwing is a bit wild.

So Mrs. Carlos Montez and I had the same blog template for a day. To avoid confusion I have changed mine to its current drab state. In other news...

I got hit by a car!!!

In better news...

I rX0rd the car!!!

So I was biking home today and I was at the southeast corner of Plummer and that street next to the mall just west of Tampa. I pull up to the corner, see that the little green walking guy is alit, look to see that the car at the corner is not taking the turn, and proceed across the street. The person must not have been paying attention at all. As I'm right in front of the passenger seat the car slowly starts to move forward. I figure they must be getting ready to floor it once I am out of the way. I was wrong. I then feel the bumper against my foot. I pick up the pedaling to get out of the way. Then I hear something crack and notice that I have totally ripped off the licence plate and destroyed the frame. Seeing that I am now free of the car I pull back around it to the corner and instruct the driver to pull to the curb. Upon inspection I see that no damage has been done to my bike. Also the driver is in a state of shock. It took me about 10 minutes to convince her that I was fine and was not going to report it. My foot is a little sore right now, but it hurt more yesterday after playing drums with no shoes. Why would drums have shoes? In conclusion...

I think that car is trying to kill me!

There is a new TPHAT song called "Cleanin' Out". During the chorus Brad simply sings the titular title words what have you. I'm planin' on singin' back-up for it. So Brad had a bit of a Canadian thing goin' on the word "out". You know, it has that sound that is kinda half way between the "ew" and "oo" sound. Me being the idiot that I am, I find this to be the most entertaining thing ever. I start to practice my vocals and end up incorporating this dialect into my speech. Awesome.

So I'm at work, trying to be normal. Then some customers call their kid who must be only 4 years old to come back over to them. The kid turns around and runs right into a rack of clothes. I immediately take action. "Watch ewoot!" I sound, completely unaware of my disregard for the local vernacular. I notice and realize what an idiot I must sound like. Then I realize that nobody pays attention to such inconsequential things and for me to care proves how much of a dork I actually am.

Anyway, the sooner I move to Canada the better. As my brother said about Canadians, "They're just Mexicans in sweaters." I think we can all find comfort in that.

Glenn: Hey, how can I turn this chair around to the table?
Someone: Just push it.
Glenn: Damn, I cannot push it.
Someone else: Move.
Glenn: Why, I'm trying to move the chair so it can face the table so I can eat.
Me: I am going to sit there.

This was posted by Glenn under the title "Rude". All I can conclude is that Glenn was being rude to the chair. Firstly, a La-Z-Boy recliner should not be pushed. It should be gently lifted and placed in the desired spot. Secondly, a recliner should not be positioned towards a coffee table to eat off of. One should recline in the chair and then eat the food off of the lengthy stretch of lap. In my own defense, I had just gotten home from work and was heating up some food while sitting in the chair when everyone else showed up. I then proceeded to get out of the chair to open the door to let them in since everyone else had food in their hands. Maybe that was the "rudeness". 5 people went out for food knowing that I would be home shortly and left the message "We will be back soon" and not "We're gettin' food. Call if you want anything." Anyway, I guess I'm a prick.

I had a weird dream the other night. For some reason Leia’s mouth had to be larger. Leia is the dog that lives on the stairs in the Woo-Lee house. So her mouth had to be larger. We ended up deciding to cut the edges. For some reason we also cut in the vertical direction across the nose and chin area, except I don’t really remember the nose or chin actually being there. This also did not seem to hurt Leia at all. When we, and by “we” I mean me and other people of identities unknown or forgotten, had finished the mouth widening we realized that we had cut too far and had opened up Leia’s scull. Her brain then proceeded to roll out. This was quite easy for it to do seeing as how her brain was a roll of toilet paper. The flap of skin on her head then just fell in on itself and she simply appeared to a dog with a dip where her forehead should be. And now here comes the happy ending. She no longer barked at me for no reason and she let me pet her. I do not remember what happened to the roll of toilet paper.

So I had a Kurt Russel/Tom Cruise film festival on Tuesday. Backdraft(KR), Vanilla Sky(KR+TC), and A Few Good Men(TC). Freakin’ cable! At the risk of sounding gay, I will say that I’ll see pretty much anything that Tom Cruise is in. Unfortunately this lead me to see Mission Impossible 2. Such a piece of crap.

Rayovac rechargeable alkalines. No memory effect my butt.

What, what, Mc whatwhat, what?

Courage and wit have served thee well.

New rapid credit forms at Sears. I know all y’all are excited about that.

We are the people.
Are we the people?

Frantic, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tock!