Thursday, April 10, 2003
About two weeks ago, after working at Sears for about 6 months, I got my first,”Hey, you look a lot like Harry Connick Jr.” Sears customers gotta get on the ball, seriously. I also think it would be great if the “E” in the “SEARS” sign suddenly burnt out. The one in NoHo says ”_EARS”, so there is hope.
I need to adjust the rear breaks on my bike. The other day, Saturday that is, I was biking down Zelzah and was comin’ up on Lassen a bit fast, but not too fast. I put on the breaks and realize I need to put in a bit more effort than usual to slow down. So I squeeze harder. I had just cleaned and tightened my front breaks like a week prior so they were nice and responsive. The rear breaks were not quite in the same league. With about the same force applied by each hand, my front breaks had a much better grip. This is a problem if you still have sufficient speed. Essentially the front of my bike stopped but the back didn’t. I Indy-ed it. An Indy is when the rear wheel comes of the ground but the front doesn’t, the opposite of a Wheelie. It took a good three seconds from the time the wheel came off the ground till I landed in the crosswalk under my bike. There was a car right behind me that must have had a spectacular view of the show. He expressed concern and I responded like an idiot that just flipped his bike.
Later I went to Sears to buy pants. What the…?! A(J)(ndrew) buying clothes?! That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway. The main problem with the fattening of the American public that I can see is that it makes it harder for me to find pants. Apparently not many people that shop at Sears wear a 30/30. While I was looking at said pants I saw someone knock down an entire rack of dress pants and just walk away. On the ball people. Also, among the pink noise that is fragmented conversations, muzak, and various “foley”-ish sounds in Sears, I managed to hear someone say, “Oh, the Benny Hill theme!” How freakin’ awesome is that?! Not only was that guy on the ball, but he managed not to drop it.
Today some member of the lower class was askin’ for change in Carl’s Jr. to buy some food. Being a sap, and feeling guilty for not having to pay for gas and insurance, I spared just over half a big one, 30 cents to be exact. Weird thing is, he actually bought food! Now the amazing part… he bought a salad! Yes, bums now eat sensibly. What is the world coming to? At least I can still totally dismiss him as a human being since he was wearing a red Dodger hat. Whoever had the idea for a red Dodger hat is so far off the ball they could only dream about dropping it.
Tropical Fish
I need to adjust the rear breaks on my bike. The other day, Saturday that is, I was biking down Zelzah and was comin’ up on Lassen a bit fast, but not too fast. I put on the breaks and realize I need to put in a bit more effort than usual to slow down. So I squeeze harder. I had just cleaned and tightened my front breaks like a week prior so they were nice and responsive. The rear breaks were not quite in the same league. With about the same force applied by each hand, my front breaks had a much better grip. This is a problem if you still have sufficient speed. Essentially the front of my bike stopped but the back didn’t. I Indy-ed it. An Indy is when the rear wheel comes of the ground but the front doesn’t, the opposite of a Wheelie. It took a good three seconds from the time the wheel came off the ground till I landed in the crosswalk under my bike. There was a car right behind me that must have had a spectacular view of the show. He expressed concern and I responded like an idiot that just flipped his bike.
Later I went to Sears to buy pants. What the…?! A(J)(ndrew) buying clothes?! That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway. The main problem with the fattening of the American public that I can see is that it makes it harder for me to find pants. Apparently not many people that shop at Sears wear a 30/30. While I was looking at said pants I saw someone knock down an entire rack of dress pants and just walk away. On the ball people. Also, among the pink noise that is fragmented conversations, muzak, and various “foley”-ish sounds in Sears, I managed to hear someone say, “Oh, the Benny Hill theme!” How freakin’ awesome is that?! Not only was that guy on the ball, but he managed not to drop it.
Today some member of the lower class was askin’ for change in Carl’s Jr. to buy some food. Being a sap, and feeling guilty for not having to pay for gas and insurance, I spared just over half a big one, 30 cents to be exact. Weird thing is, he actually bought food! Now the amazing part… he bought a salad! Yes, bums now eat sensibly. What is the world coming to? At least I can still totally dismiss him as a human being since he was wearing a red Dodger hat. Whoever had the idea for a red Dodger hat is so far off the ball they could only dream about dropping it.
Tropical Fish
